Rafflesian's blog

Addictions

Addictions

Yes, I am an addict...Let me do a self-check.

Nicotine for sure.  Alcohol on a mild level.  Sex and porno, on and off.  TV - maybe. Coffee - should be. Exercise - I wish I was, so that I wont feel so fat!   Nightlife - still struggling with it.  Hardcore Drugs - fortunately not. Companionship - should be.

The truth is we are probably all addicts. Many are addicted to substances like coffee. Many men are addicted to some form of sexual fantasy. Many women are addicted to shopping and beauty care. Most humans are probably addicted to the need for companionship. Not sure if its got to do with me being a Rafflesian, but to some extent, I may also be addicted to ego trips!

How much of our lives do we really control?  Its a startling reflection. I have been realising that its my neural pathways, etched out thru choices that turned into habits, habits that turned into lifestyle addictions. And plenty of it is also chemically driven - your dopamines and seratonins of sorts.

I dare say many of us have lost control. I certainly have and am trying to wrestle it back. Maybe I need to get locked up in prison or rehab.

So you think you are an addict?

Confessions of a Rafflesian.   My Virgin Blog.

That has made me recall how I lost my virginity when I was 15, and the party responsible for squeezing out my virginity!

I have always wanted to meet her again. She was my gf, for a month or so, before some of her CHIJ schoolmates started throwing themselves at me. She was a really nice gal. Definitely one of the very few ex-es that I would love to meet up with after all these years, and actually get to know alot better. (When we were younger, it was all hormonal!)

I was a bastard. Probably still am in some ways. I feel I must have destroyed or damaged the lives, the emotions, the psyche of many girls I had in my teenage years. I guess I wasnt entirely to blame. But looking back, how I dumped so quickly and without any explanation (it's always some other girl catching my eye), it must have been devastating for them. I know some even became tough "ah lians" as a result, while others felt they had to f**k around, perhaps as a vengeance against me. Then there were also others who just "faded away" into oblivion.

I feel really sorry. Wish I had the chance and/or the courage to face each and every one of them, and have a heart-to-heart talk as mature adults. I think it would do good for my soul and hope it would do good for theirs too.

(Aside: I seriously wonder how are teenagers getting along these days??!! They are seriously more exposed now then when I was a teenager...)

Well, you may be disappointed, but Confessions of a Rafflesian is not going to be an X-rated blog. It may at times contains juicy details, but they will be incidental. Confessions of a Rafflesian will revolve around the varied aspects of life, including the very very dark secrets and thoughts we all have, and the mistakes we all make. By blogging them from my own life, I hope it can shed some light on yours.